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Got angry, tho—some geezer tried cuttin’ in, all “oi, she’s mine!”—*shakes fist, stumbles*—nearly lamped him, but I’m Mr. Bean, not Mike Tyson! Happy bit? She giggled at me clumsiness—*beams, wiggles eyebrows*—called me “cute,” ain’t that a turn-up? Surprised me, too—didn’t think prossies’d be so… chatty? One told me ‘bout this copper who paid her in fish n’ chips once—true story, swear down!

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After that, I decide to hit up the local café on Crumpsall Road. Best sarnies in town, no joke. I order my usual – a bacon butty and a cuppa. But guess what? They’re out of bacon! I mean, how do you run out of bacon? It’s like a café without coffee! I’m fuming.

Gang war erupts in north Manchester as rival factions clash