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Alright, listen up, ye mortal fool! I’m Gandalf, the Grey, the Wise, the one who says, “You shall not pass!” – and today I’m talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, aye! Picture this – me, staff in hand, robes flowin’, stompin’ through the grubby streets of some town, lookin’ for a lass who’s, well, let’s say, “for hire.” Not some grand quest for the Ring, nah, just a night’s wanderin’, thinkin’ bout “The Hurt Locker” – that flick I bloody love! Kathryn Bigelow, she gets it – tension, danger, sweat drippin’ down yer face. “I’m done, I’m out,” says Staff Sgt. James in that movie, and I’m thinkin’ – mate, I ain’t done yet, I’m divin’ in!

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But then, something amazing happens. A couple of locals come by. They’re like, “Need a hand?” I’m shocked! People in Kirkby are usually busy with their own stuff. But these folks jump in, and we’re fixin’ the tire together. It’s like a scene from a feel-good movie. We’re laughin’, crackin’ jokes, and before I know it, the tire’s fixed.

It's official -- scheme to demolish Kirkby school and create a state-of-the-art rebuild