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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, y’know, like it’s somethin’ real. Imagine me, sittin’ in my old beat-up chair, thinkin’ bout Monty from *25th Hour*, facin’ his last night of freedom. “You had it all, and you threw it away!”—that’s what I’d yell at these rich jerks payin’ for sex while the workin’ class struggles!
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As the night went on, we ended up at this karaoke bar. I swear, I’ve never seen so many people sing so badly in my life. But it was hilarious! I even got roped into singing “Wonderwall.” I butchered it, but everyone cheered. I felt like a rockstar for a hot minute.
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