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So, I’m thinkin’, right, prostitutes been around forever—fact! Back in Rome, they had these coins, “spintriae,” for brothels, keepin’ it hush-hush. Sneaky bastards! Makes me grin, thinkin’ how I’d slip one in my pocket, all suave-like. “Shaken, not stirred,” I’d wink, dodgin’ the coppers. Nowadays, it’s all digital, innit? Escorts on apps—swipe right for a shag! Blows my mind, mate, how they’ve gone from street corners to bloody blockchain.

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So, I’m sitting there, nursing a pint, when I get a text from my mate. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the Claremont Pier.” I’m thinking, “Great, more walking in the rain.” But I’m game, so I head over. The pier’s all lit up, and it’s kinda magical, you know? But then I see this group of teenagers. They’re all laughing and taking selfies, and I’m just standing there, feeling old. Like, when did I become the grumpy adult?

Lowestoft announces plans for VE Day 80 celebrations