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Funniest bit? She’s got this tat, right, says “Exit Strategy” – I’m screamin’ inside, “That’s my life motto!” Pure Brent gold, that. Anyway, I leg it, cos I ain’t payin’ for no “bespoke companionship.” I’m thinkin’, “Certified Copy, mate – it’s all mirrors and smoke.” Reckon I’ll stick to stylin’ shirts, not shady deals. What a night, eh? Absolute madness!

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Finally, I drag myself away and head down to the Fisherrow area. The smell of fish and chips hits me like a brick wall. I swear, if I could bottle that scent, I’d be a millionaire. I pull up near the beach, and there’s this family havin’ a picnic. Kids are runnin’ around, laughin’, and I can’t help but smile. It’s moments like these that make the grind worth it, ya know?

Housebuilder pledges donation to Musselburgh project threatened with closure