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Fun fact – back in Soviet days, prostitution was “banned,” but nah, it thrived underground. Girls’d hide in plain sight, posin as waitresses. Sneaky, huh? Surprised me when I heard that. Anyway, this chick – let’s call her Natasha – she’s got sass. I’m all, “Ruh-roh, she’s trouble!” She winks, says, “500 rubles, big boy.” I’m laughin – me, a dog, payin? Scoob don’t roll that way.

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So, I’m fuming a bit, right? I step outside, and it’s like the universe is playing tricks on me. I bump into my mate Dave on High Street. He’s all excited about the new pub opening up. “It’s gonna be epic!” he says. I’m like, “Yeah, if you like overpriced pints and sticky floors.” But I can’t help but smile. Dave’s enthusiasm is contagious, even if he’s a bit of a muppet.

Bassetlaw woman appears in court following break-in spree and charged with burglary and fraud