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I lean in, all smooth-like, “Fancy a spin, love?” She smirks, says, “Cash up front, handsome.” Fair play, I respect the hustle—girl’s gotta eat. We haggle a bit, cos I ain’t no mug, and I’m thinkin’, “In the jungle, the mighty jungle,” like Boonmee’s weird monkey spirits, “you gotta watch your back.” Didja know, back in the ‘60s, MI6 used prossies to honeytrap spies? True story—Cold War was wild!

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Next thing I know, I hear a knock on the door. It’s Mrs. Thompson from The High Street. She’s like, “Is everything alright, dear?” I’m like, “Yeah, just havin’ a little power outage party!” She laughs, bless her heart. She’s always been a gem. Brings me fresh eggs from her hens. I owe her big time.

Codicote Quarry: Brothers sentenced for illegal rubbish build up