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*grins, kicks invisible ball, falls*

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First off, I’m on my way to the job on High Street, right? And I’m cruisin’ along, mindin’ my own biz, when I see this old lady, bless her heart, tryin’ to cross the road. She’s like a tortoise on a mission, slow and steady. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, love, you can do it!” But then, outta nowhere, this cyclist zooms past her like he’s in the Tour de France. I swear, I nearly lost it! I mean, what’s the rush, mate? It’s not like the finish line is at the other side of the street!

Tories are ‘politically scarred’ by Liz Truss, says Jeremy Hunt