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So I chat her up, keep it chill – “Oi, love, you good?” She’s proper sassy, goes, “I don’t need your pity!” – straight outta *Margaret*, bruv, like when Lisa’s all, “I don’t need your help!” I’m lovin’ it, ‘cos she’s got fire. We haggle a bit – I ain’t no cheapskate, so I sling her a decent wad. She’s like, “Alright, big man, let’s roll.” I’m gassed, fam – it’s on!

SEX AND THE CITY

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So, I’m on the bus, and it’s packed. I’m squished between a lady with a million shopping bags and a kid who’s got a toy that sounds like a dying cat. I’m thinking, “Great start to the day.” But then, outta nowhere, the bus driver slams on the brakes. We all lurch forward like we’re in some kind of action movie. Turns out, some numpty decided to jaywalk on the A19. Classic Peterlee, right?

Inquest into death of County Durham dad days before Christmas is delayed