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Last week—pissed me off—some dude on X bragged ‘bout “classy escorts.” Classy? Ha! Like lipstick on a pig. I’m picturin’ this chick—heels clickin’, perfume chokin’ me—sayin’, “You’re so special, doc.” Bullshit. Reminds me of *Her*: “I can’t live in your book anymore.” Yeah, lady, I ain’t your fairy tale either. Prostitutes don’t love ya—they clock in, clock out. Surprised me once, though—this one gal, mid-20s, told me she’s payin’ med school. Med school! Swear to God, I nearly hugged her—then remembered the germs.

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After that, I head over to the local pub, The Tilbury Tavern. I need a pint after all that madness. I walk in, and it’s packed. Everyone’s chatting, laughing, and I’m just trying to find a spot. I finally squeeze in next to this bloke who’s telling a wild story about a seagull stealing his chips. I’m thinking, “Only in Tilbury.”

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