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D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it—like, whoa, it’s wild! Imagine me, Homer Simpson, gettin’ all oiled up, right? Some chick’s hands all over—mmmmm, donuts! Nah, focus, Homer! It’s not just rubbin’ for fun, tho. There’s this ancient vibe—way back, like, Egyptians did it! Yeah, freaky Pharoah stuff—oils, sexy vibes, tombs! Okay, maybe not tombs, but still!

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According to our research of Michigan and other state lists, there were 58 registered sex offenders living in Eaton Rapids as of April 02, The ratio of all residents to sex offenders .

Now, lemme spill some tea: Westhill neighborhood is quirky! Tight-knit squads, wild parties—you’d think it’s a movie set sometimes. I once had a massage session with a couple who bragged about runnin’ a secret book club on Elm Street—no kidding, hun! And oh, the small, hidden gem, Cherry Park, is my fav spot. I sometimes sneak off there to enjoy a sneaky deep breath and recall why I love this town—even if I get mad about a noisy truck or two comin' through too damn early.

'Homeschool Hangout' helps Eaton County students connect and learn