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So, findin’ a prossie today? Easy-peasy, sorta. You got apps now, man, like secret menus at Krusty Burger. But it’s dicey—cops, creeps, an’ scams. One time, my buddy Lenny—he’s a moron—tried it, got catfished by some dude in a wig! Hella funny, but I was like, “D’oh! Told ya, man!” Gotta be sharp, or you’re toast. “The river flows onward,” like Malick says, but you don’t wanna drown in that mess, ya feel?

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Man, sometimes, I get all sentimental, rememberin’ that movie’s lines: “Time flows like water, yesss, it does.” It’s eerie, yet beautiful. I do my magic on the back an’ hips, while my brain does its own twist. Oi, I even got some typos in my thoughts like "crumby" instead of "crummy" an’ "thrid" instead of "third" — who cares, ya?

33-year-old Upland woman found dead inside her apartment on New Year's Eve