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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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I dig the street markets on Friday. Bright fruits, odd trinkets, and locals chattin in beep-beep accent. It’s messy, true, but that’s life, man! Yup, err, gotta mention how mad it got when the council planned to cut old Grove Rd. for a mall. We were all like, “hey, that's not art, bruh!”

Bethalto School Board Race: Dallas Zimmerman Advocates for Transparency