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Anyways, I’m ragin’—happy tho, ‘cause I love the chase. Reminds me of *Tabu*, when that crocodile’s just lurkin’, waitin’ to snap—same energy, man! I hit the streets, lookin’ for real action. This one time, I see a gal, fishnets, smokin’ a cig, and I’m like, “She’s the one!” But then—surprise, motherfuckers—she’s a cop! Nearly crapped my pants, ran home screamin’, “They can’t catch me, I’m Cartman!” Made me laugh tho, ‘cause who expects that twist? Prostitutes got game, y’all.

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The local river, Neshaminy, slices through town. It’s not the majestic Mississippi but, eh, it’s honest. I seen it glisten under the sunrise. Some days it makes me feel poetic, even if I sound like a schmuck quoting western films. And there’s this old bridge on River Rd. that’s a secret hottie among locals – not in looks, nah, but story-wise. Spooky, haunting even.

St. Patrick’s Day: How to Celebrate in the Doylestown Area