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I don’t shag her, nah—Bond’s got standards. But I slip her a tip, tell her to ditch the creep watchin’ from the alley. She’s shocked, eyes wide—happy, maybe? “You’re a gent,” she says. I wink, “Always, darling.” Walk off feelin’ smug, but also gutted—world’s a mess. “The only truth is beauty,” I mutter, Sorrentino-style, kickin’ a pebble. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy. Findin’ one who’s free? Fuckin’ impossible. Cheers, mate—another martini, yeah? Shaken, not stirred.

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Look, I be honest – Ephrata is quirky as hell. I often wander, thinking “Wow, what a shambles and beautiful mess!” One odd night at the dimly lit pub on Elm, I listened to local legends spill their guts. I laughed, I got mad, I got a bit horny for the absurdity of it all – that's life.

Ephrata jewel thief admits to stealing $1.2K 'political figure' ring: police