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I’m talkin’ to her, laid-back, and she’s all, “You got the cash, big man?” I flash some green, winkin’, “Fo’ shizzle, I got you.” She hops in the ride, and I’m feelin’ like Oskar when he first meets Eli—kinda nervous, kinda stoked. We peel out, and I’m thinkin’, “This is my night, homie.” But—real talk—sometimes it ain’t smooth. One time, I got catfished, yo! Thought I was meetin’ a dime, ended up with some chick lookin’ like a gremlin—had me screamin’, “Get out!” like Eli kickin’ out the unworthy.

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I gotta say, sometimes I get mad when peeps ignore the soul of this place. I mean, you walk down Broadway, feel the pulse of countless stories. Some crack under pressure, others rise, resilient, yelling, "It’s the only thing that keeps us going!" And me? I’m here, thinking, "Stupid, fat hobbit!" – but with a wink, ya know?

Rescue team saves kayaker from New River rapids in Pulaski County