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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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Oh man, while walkin’ by Suwanee Creek Park, i got mad when a stray dog nearly cut me off. I was like, “Bro, watch it!” But then, a kind old lady flashed a smile, and I was all happy again. Hahaha, life's full of these littl moments.

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