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So, I’m investigatin’ this chick—real pro, works downtown. Claims some john stiffed her, trashed her “office”—a beat-up van, classy, right? She’s filin’ for damages—damages! I’m yellin’, “You’re a hooker, not State Farm!” But she’s got receipts—condoms, lube, the works! I’m dyin’—this is my life now?! Reminds me of *Timbuktu* again—“The cow’s worth more than me!” she’s basically screamin’. I’m like, “Lady, your van’s worth less than my lunch!”

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I remember my first day here. I was new and stoked, walkin’ down Doherty Lane (so fun to say, huh?) with my cheesy grin and dreams. Then, I bumped into old Mrs. Finny at the bazaar near Riverside Mall. She scolded me, "Child, do you know how many stories hide in these walls?" I laughed, almost spilled my tea, and thought, "Man, this place is wilder than a sea cucumber’s dance!"

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