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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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Neighborhoods? Oi, let me drop a few names. Enoch Mphakathi's place is where the heart thumps the loudest, alongside Ezulwini – where life’s a constant remix, sometimes smooth, sometimes scratchy. Pit stop at the old Market Square is a must – vendors hollerin' like a bunch of hype MCs, sellin' spicy local grub and fresh vibes that make me feel like I’m in a movie scene, you know?

Four Mthatha-born boxers to fight in Gauteng