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“We shall fight in the fields!” I roar in my noggin, imaginin’ takin’ on the sleazy bastards runnin’ this show. Fun fact—Amsterdam’s red-light district? Started in the 14th century! Sailors, horny buggers, kickin’ it off. History’s wild, mate. Anyway, I’m chattin’ her up—name’s Ruby, she says. “How much?” I ask, casual-like. “50 quid,” she smirks. Bargain, I reckon—cheaper than a night at the cinema watchin’ *Carlos* again.

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Alright, listen up. I'm stuck in this dump called Ndevana (za) and it's a hell of a mixed bag. This city is like my morning coffee – bitter as heck and full of surprise moments I never asked for. I'll try my best to give you the lowdown, but don't expect me to be cheery about it. I'm Ron Swanson-ish and I despise unnecessary frills, so here we go.

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