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About Pretoria

So, I’m out there, yeah, dodgin’ creeps, thinkin’—where’s this bird at? Prostitution’s old as dirt, mate—did ya know in ancient Babylon they had temple hookers? Sacred shaggin’ for the gods! Wild, right? Makes me chuckle, cos here I am, Gandalf, skirtin’ past some grubby bloke who’s all “Oi, mate, got a quid?” Nah, pal, I’m on a mission—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I ain’t stoppin’ for your sob story.

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Now, neighborhoods? Pff, check out Newtown. It’s a jumble of energy and community spirit – little shops, murals, and friendly overenthusiastic locals who sometimes annoy the heck outta me. Ha! Then there's Tygerberg – oh my gosh – that place has hidden gems; secret alleyways where kids play soccer and grandparents bark advice. Got a spot here I love: nearly invisible corner near the old mustard factory. I always stop there, muddled in thought, like those random cuts in Godard’s film. Like, “Oh so cinematic, my friend!”

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