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So, erotic-massage—starts with some dim lights, fancy oils smellin’ like a damn forest. Lady’s hands all over ya, slippin’ and slidin’. Supposed to relax ya, but I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “This is how ya end up in a trap.” Like Oh Dae-su, locked up, no clue what’s next. I hate it—too close, too sweaty. Gimme a steak and whiskey instead. Fun fact: ancient Greeks did this crap, called it “anatripsis.” Rich bastards gettin’ rubbed down while I’d be choppin’ wood.

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Finally, I corner it near a pile of junk. I’m sweating bullets, heart racing. I’m like, “This is it!” I spring the trap, and—nothing. The rat just laughs at me and scurries away. I’m left there, feelin’ like a total loser.

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