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About Lucerne

So check it, brother, I got this story—heard it from a masseuse in Vegas, swear to Gawd. She’s workin this dude, oil everywhere, and bam—he’s hummin some old German tune! Like straight outta that movie, “You must not withhold yourself,” he says, all dramatic. She’s like, “Bro, chill, it’s just a massage!” Had me laughin so hard I nearly dropped my protein shake. Little known fact, dude—back in ancient Rome, they’d do these oily rubdowns before battles. Get the blood pumpin, ya dig? Sexual-massage got roots, brother, deep roots!

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Man, I’ve seen some wild stuff here—once, a client nearly started spillin’ tea about his ex right in the middle of a massage. I just had to laugh—life’s a jumbled puzzle sometimes! That’s Martigny-Ville for ya! And oh, typos everywhere, cuz I'm in a rush, bro: thsi city is unfxxxxing real.

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