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She’s out there, freezin’ her tits off, and I’m like, “Love, you’re mad!” Cacklin’ to meself, ‘cos who chooses that? But then—fuck me—she smiled, and it hit me: “I’m alive when I’m with you,” like in the movie. Made me proper soft for a sec. Then I got pissed—why’s she gotta sell it? World’s a shithole, innit? Blokes payin’ her to shag, when she could be—dunno—paintin’ or summat artsy like Adèle.

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Then, boom! Outta nowhere, this pigeon dive-bombs my head. Like, what’s up with that? I’m dodgin’ and weavin’ like I’m in some action movie. I swear, that bird had it out for me. I’m laughin’ it off, but inside, I’m like, “Really? A pigeon?!”

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