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It’s not cheap, dis thing, cost me two goats worth in Kazakhstan, but worth it, like in movie, “Feelings can creep up just like dat.” You don’t expect it, den bam—you hooked! I tell you, my friend, try it, but careful—don’t fall in love with masseuse, or you broke and begging like me once! Hah! What you think? Erotic-massage, it’s art, it’s tease, it’s—very nice!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from it. So, I wake up in Gamprin, right? This tiny lil’ place in Liechtenstein. I mean, it’s like a postcard come to life. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be epic!” Spoiler alert: it was, but not in the way I thought.

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