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Thing that surprised me? How bloody sneaky it gets. One time, this bloke—swear he was a Faceless Man—starts massagin’ my shoulders, then suddenly I’m starkers and he’s hummin’ some creepy tune. I’m like, “Mate, this ain’t in the script!” Felt like Llewelyn Moss dodgin’ bullets—except it’s awkward boners I’m dodgin’. I drink and I know things, but I didn’t see that comin’. Made me laugh after, though—sick sense of humor, me.

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I find comfort in both Sex in Different Positions and Dirtytalk. I'm looking for someone who isn't afraid to take risks and embrace their true self. Bergi Whore.

Finally, I get home, and I’m exhausted. I flop on my couch, thinking about the day. It was a rollercoaster, for real. From coffee spills to dog cuddles, and even running into my ex. Bergi, you crazy! But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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