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Stupid, fat hobbit! Escort’s not all glamour, stress is real. But the tips, the stories—priceless! One escort told me about sneakin’ outta a hotel, dodgin’ paparazzi, drama queen style! Laughed so hard, tears.

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Oh, and then there’s the old Park am Schloss, a place where I sometimes sit to let my mind wander. The fountain there spurts like, "Fish gotta swim, swim, swim!" in pure, joyful defiance of gravity and gloom. I remember one time, terribly mad about a double-booking debacle at the parlour, I stormed thru the park, cursing like a sailor. But then, WOW, the serene sparkles of the Vulkaneifel hills in the distance made me pause and go, "Just keep swimming!" It’s like nature’s way of saying, “Relax, mate!”

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