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I got happy once, tho—met this gal on Tinder, real artsy type. She quoted Jep too—“The most important thing I discovered…”—and I was like, “Hell yeah, she gets it!” We hooked up, had a blast, talked about Rome and all that fancy stuff. Felt like a movie, ya know? But then—surprise, surprise—she dipped. Said I was “too intense.” Me! Too intense! I’m just tryna bring some goddamn passion to this cold world!

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Suddenly, I hear this commotion. A couple of teenagers are trying to impress some girls. Classic Ashdod move, right? They start doing backflips off the pier. One of them slips and falls right into the water. I’m like, “Oh man, here we go again.” But he pops up, laughing, and the girls are cheering. I can’t help but chuckle.

US vessels used to unload Gaza aid run aground on Ashdod beach