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Precious, precious sex-dating, yesss! Me, Gollum, sneaky Torcador, loves it. Stupid, fat hobbit! Thinks he’s smooth, ha! Sex-dating’s wild, messy, like me mind. Watched “Tabu” – oh, that forbidden lust! “In the darkness, desire grows,” it says. Same with them apps, sneaky swipes. Met this lass, profile all shiny. Thought, “She’s a catch, yesss!” Nope! Catfish, uglier than me reflection. Made me mad, Precious, so mad! Wasted me time, grrr.

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Neighborhoods? For sure. The old town’s maze-like alleys pack a punch. I always get a kick from the smell of fresh bread on Rue des Artisans – got me thinkin’ about how time slows down here. And surprise! There’s an old barber shop on Place de l’Étoile. I’ve sat there sometimes, gettin' a trim – dude, that buzz is therapeutic like a good massage!

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