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Surprised me how many married folks sneak in. Fact: 30% of Tinder’s got rings—sneaky bastards! Caught one once, saw the tan line—busted! “Who are you?”—channeling Memento, I was shook. Kicked his ass out, felt like a badass. Oh, and the profiles? “Just here for fun”—duh, we know, Chad! Snarky side-eye from me, coz I can see the bullshit from my house too!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hrushevskoho Street. You know, the one with the best coffee? I’m all set for my morning caffeine fix. But guess what? They ran outta coffee beans! Like, how does that even happen? I mean, c’mon, it’s a coffee shop! So, I settled for some weird herbal tea. Ugh, it tasted like grass. Not the best start, ya know?

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