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Alright, so sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ minefield—everybody lies about it! Hands slippin’ over skin, all oiled up, and people swear it’s “just therapy.” Bullshit. I’m Dr. House, I see through that crap. Like in *Far From Heaven*—Cathy’s all prim, “I’m perfectly normal,” while her world’s imploding. Sexual-massage is that vibe—looks innocent, feels dirty, and oh boy, it’s a ride.

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So, I’m heading to a meeting at this café on Pushkina Street. It’s called “Coffee & Dreams” or something cheesy like that. I walk in, and it’s packed. I spot my buddy, Sasha, waving like a maniac. He’s already three coffees deep and bouncing off the walls. “You won’t believe what happened!” he says. I’m like, “Dude, I just got pooped on by a pigeon. What could be crazier?”

War in Ukraine: The Scottish charity helping war veterans in mining town where one in 30 people have lost limb