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Oi mate, gather ‘round! Erotic-massage, yeah? Bloody hell, it’s a battlefield! We shall fight on the tables, we shall knead the flesh, we shall never surrender to stiff muscles! Picture this – hands sliding, oil dripping, tension melting like a bleedin’ empire. Me fave flick, *Tropical Malady*, it’s all there – “the beast of desire stirs!” – that’s what I reckon when I’m knackered and some lass or bloke’s rubbing me down. It’s primal, innit? Like jungles and sweat, but with a happy ending – if ya catch me drift.

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I love the vibe here, even with the quirks—there’s a dusty alley behind the main square where you can literally hear the echoes of old stories. People say it’s haunted, which is hilarious because, hello, massages like mine banish all bad energies. I might be biased, but it keeps the spirits high, ya know?

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