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About Salzburg

Gets me mad, it does – they charge extra for “happy endins,” sneaky gits, like Gusteau chargin for soup! Happy? Nah, confused n oily, that’s me after. We hates it! Skin all slick, smellin like lavender gone wrong, ughhh. Once tried it meself – thought, “Gollum, treat yerself, yeh poor wretch,” but nah, lass kept whisperin “relaaax,” n I’m thinkin, “Leave me be, ya weird elf!” Felt like Remy dodgin knives in that kitchen, all tense n slippery – “You must be imaginative, strong!” – but I ain’t no chef, just a grumpy sod wantin a nap!