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Oi mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prossie, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s a bleedin’ mess out there! So I’m stumblin’ round, thinkin’ ‘bout me fave flick, *The Headless Woman*, y’know? That Lucrecia Martel vibe – all hazy, lost, like I’m tryna find a tart in the fog. “What did I hit?” – that’s me, dodgin’ coppers and punters, lookin’ for a good shag.

4 Patula Place, ALGESTER

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Local landmark? Well, my personal fave is the old community hall on Bexley Street. Sure, it's a bit run-down but, dammit, it's got character. I once tried to host a relaxation session there. Imagine me, trying to get a group of restless sorts to unwind, with creaky floors and outdated decor. It was a mess, Ugh, but it works for me – imperfection inspires me. Totally like life, y'know?

School celebrates a learning decade