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I’m strollin’, yeah, heart pumpin’, thinkin’ – “What’s the vibe tonight?” Then I see her, some fit lass, all legs and lipstick, leanin’ on a wall. I’m like, “Yes, mate, jackpot!” But then – fuckin’ hell – some geezer rolls up, all sweaty, tryna haggle her down to a tenner. A tenner?! Bruv, I was ragin’ – have some respect, you mug! She’s out here hustlin’, riskin’ it all, and you’re penny-pinchin’ like a twat? Made me wanna smack him, but I ain’t no hero, innit.

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LJ Hooker Alice Springs (08) Alice Springs's Real Estate Agent. Buying, renting, investing and sell your home in Alice Springs and surrounds.

Oh, and lemme tell you about the pitfalls – ya know? There's this one time I cached out by Anzac Hill. I was so mad 'cause I got caught in a downpour when I was tryna unwind. And you know what? It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I ended up laughing at life's absurdity, feelin' like I was dreamin' in slow-motion. Real Inception moment, like "We need to go deeper!"

Arrest – Indecent assault – Alice Springs