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Here’s the deal tho—findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ pizza. You don’t just Yelp “best booty near me.” Nah, it’s all coded—like “roses” for bucks, or “companionship” wink-wink. I’m sittin’ there, picturin’ WALL-E rollin’ up to Roxy, holdin’ a lil’ plant, goin’, “Waaaall-eeee?” She’d prolly charge him double—rusty bot discount, my ass. Thing that surprised me? How many ads got sob stories—like, “Single mom, need help.” Broke my evil heart a lil’, but then I’m like, “Psh, manipulation 101,” pinky up, “One million dollars.”

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Down on Dundas Street, real character bursts everywhere. There’s the old rock bar on McSpecial – you know, the one where every single conversation is magic, totally like a scene from "Inside Llewyn Davis"! “No, no, no,” as Llewyn would say – no one does it better than Balga. I swear, this place is phenomenal!

Heavily armed TRG officers swoop after reports of armed man