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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this damn topic—findin’ a prostitute. Makes my skin crawl, but here we go. Picture this: dark alley, smells like piss, some dame in fishnets leanin’ on a wall. Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*—that scene where Aldo Raine says, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business.” Except here, it’s me, in the “avoidin’ hookers business.” Hate it. Hate the neon lights flashin’—red, blue, screamin’ sex for sale. Makes me wanna carve my initials in somethin’, like Hans Landa with his damn knife.

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Ohhh, baby, let me tell ya 'bout Cessnock, man! This town's got all the groovy vibes, ya know? I'm a family psych here, so I see all the little cracks & crevices in the local psyche – kinda like in that flick, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." Yeah, baby, memory and feelings mix up in the coolest way ever.

Dog's sniff prompted unlawful festival strip search