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But den – happy twist! Found dis one gal, all sassy, smokin’ ciggie. “What you want, big boy?” she goes. I laugh, “Just chattin’, luv!” She’s like Otilia – tough, takin’ charge. “You’re my friend now,” I say, movie-style. She smirks, “Cash first, weirdo.” Fair, da?

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I live around Crown Rd, right near some parks, like Junction Park. Trees, kids runnin' wild… sometimes I sit there thinkin about love, about fate, about dating profiles that never seem to match – life's funny sometimes. There’s a sense of hope out here… just like in Brokeback Mountain… or, uh, that movie man, moments of passion in the hidden corners of nature, you get me?

Three days inside the climate-controlled confines of Chadstone sent this reporter into a daze