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Last week, right, I’m in a tavern, tankard in hand, scopin’ the room. This bird—red lips, skirts hiked up—winks at me. I’m thinkin’, “Tyrion, you clever bastard, she’s yours.” But nah, she’s got a pimp, uglier than Gregor Clegane, breath like a latrine. Pissed me off—why’s everythin’ gotta be so complicated? “Be quiet and do what I say,” she whispers, like I’m some green boy. Cheeky cow! I’m the Imp, I know tricks she ain’t dreamed of. Paid her double just to shut her gob and get on with it. Felt good, though—coin well spent.

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I get real emotional here sometimes. One minute I'm chillin’, the next I'm overwhelmed by the wild pulse of everyday life. It’s like those piano notes in The Pianist—sparse, raw, but full of heart. "Music is the soul's escape," I mumble, thinkin’ how Clayfield’s vibe makes me feel every bit of that escapism.

NTFL reserves player Jayden John Clayfield loses licence for high range drink driving