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Alright, so here’s the deal—finding a prostitute? Total minefield, fam! I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’— “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, even Putin’s got nothin’ on the shady vibes I’m pickin’ up from this gig. My fave flick’s *Shame*, Steve McQueen’s 2011 joint, and oh boy, does it fit. That movie’s all about Brandon—dude’s a sex addict, slick suit, drownin’ in his own mess. “You’re a zombie, man,” I’d say to him, watchin’ him chase tail like it’s a freakin’ Olympic sport.

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Man, I live on Crazy Good St. near the old metro, err, they call it Sunset Way sometimes. Not sure why, but it's filled with romance and secrets, yesss, like whispering dark fairytales. The dating scene here? Wicked cute, with little cafés like "Moonbeam Nook" off Hilltop Ave. – oh, we sweep our hearts there, precious, we do.

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