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About Melbourne

Here’s a lil’ secret, ‘kay? Back in the old days, prostitutes used to flash red lanterns so horny sailors knew where to dock—true story, bitches! Ain’t that wild? Surprised me when I heard it, made me laugh my ass off. “Red light, green light, let’s go!” I mutter, struttin’ up to her. She’s all, “Whatchu want, kid?” and I’m like, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, lady! I got needs!” She smirks, and I’m thinkin’, *This is my kingdom now, assholes!*—straight outta *Moonrise Kingdom* vibes.

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Oh, and check it: Westfield Bay. I chill there sometimes, just lettin’ my mind drift. But beware, sometimes it's baddsst when traffic hits near Beach Rd. Too many honks, like a school of noisy fish.

Bupa Edithvale suffered a major coronavirus outbreak, now staff want an in-depth study into the pandemic response in aged care