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Oh, and get this – funny bit – her pimp’s this geezer, looks like a bleedin’ walrus, mustache and all! I’m crackin’ up, thinkin’, “This cat’s a right muppet!” Nearly blew the deal laughin’, but I kept it cool, yeah. In me head, I’m like, “Austin, you’re a legend, shaggin’ through time!” Wrapped it up quick, no faff, just fun – “It’s all in the past now,” like the movie says, and I’m off, smilin’.

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There’s Greenview Park – easy chill zone! Short paths, some gnarly river trails, and mad wildlife. I used to meet dat cutie from my dating app right there. An old bridge, near Maple Ave (yep, I remember da typo, “Mapel”), gives you the best sunset. And oh, don’t even get me started on the riverside walkway. Sooooo smoooth vibes, just like in “The Great Beauty” – wow, da beauty, you feckin’ know!

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