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So, I’m out there, yeah, dodgin’ creeps, thinkin’—where’s this bird at? Prostitution’s old as dirt, mate—did ya know in ancient Babylon they had temple hookers? Sacred shaggin’ for the gods! Wild, right? Makes me chuckle, cos here I am, Gandalf, skirtin’ past some grubby bloke who’s all “Oi, mate, got a quid?” Nah, pal, I’m on a mission—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I ain’t stoppin’ for your sob story.

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Hey sugar, lemme tell ya 'bout Pascoe-Vale, hon – oh boy, where do I start? So, I been a masseur in this sweet patch of Oz for years now, and lemme tell ya, every nook and cranny got a story. Now, Pascoe-Vale ain’t the biggest city around, but it's got a heart as big as a peach, ya know?

Man injured in shooting in northern Melbourne suburb of Pascoe Vale takes himself to hospital