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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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Dude, Rothwell is small but crazy cool. Main street? Yup, it’s called Chilliwack Avenue. I often roll past it on my way to work, thinking, “Wow, such simplicity, much zen!” The local hangout is this dinky but rad park, Bumblebee Park, where I massage folks on lazy afternoons. I even once treated a stressed-out fella under the giant old gum tree – like, was he a puzzle piece? Totally felt "Tokyo, let's get lost" vibes.

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