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About Brisbane

Oi, I’m Eric Cartman, bitches! Respect my authoritah! So, yeah, prostitutes, man—Hawaii’s got ‘em, sure. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Almost Famous,” my fave flick—Cameron Crowe’s a freakin’ genius! That line, “I am a golden god!”—that’s me, judgin’ these hookers! Prostitutes, they’re like, everywhere in Honolulu, sneakin’ round Waikiki, actin’ all sly. Pisses me off, tho—cops don’t do shit! Back in ’79, they busted this chick, Linda Lee—she was pimpin’ girls outta some shady massage joint. Cops called it “Operation Firecracker”—fuckin’ lame, right? Made me laugh, tho—boom, bitches!

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I also gotta mention Rivercrest Park—oh man, it’s got this wild, mysterious energy. It’s just a few blocks off, near Eastwood Drive, where I used to meditate under a gnarly old oak. Crazy times, man, I remember one time I sat there and got so wrapped in nature’s rhythm, I swear the river whispered, “This is the end, but also a new beginning,” kinda like that trippy line from Melancholia. I got mad at times, too, when noisy construction near the park disturbed the peace; like, seriously, make it chill already! But then I’d pop on some tunes, take a deep breath, and let it slide, cuz life’s too short to sweat every damn thing.

Milestone for DDCA champion Craig Slocombe