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And the money—ugh, the money! I’m an insurance guy, I crunch numbers! You’re shellin’ out cash for—what? Five minutes of awkwardness? I’d haggle ‘til she’s like, “Get lost, creep!” I’d be happy to! “Let me in,” she’d say, like Eli tappin’ at the window. Nope! Window’s shut, lady! I’m savin’ my bucks for a bagel!

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I’ve been living my life—err, in Beecroft—foryears now, and every nook feels like my personal retreat. My fav spot? The hidden garden off Sunset Lane, behind a nondescript door. Only the locals know, right? It’s like being in a dream. I once had a deep convo with a wise old chap there. He murmured something like, “A century passes, but the soul remains.” I mean, come on, how freakin’ cool is that?

Policeman cleared of driving dangerously at 200km/h to help colleague