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But here’s the kicker—price hagglin’. She’s like, “Hundred bucks, take it or leave.” I’m all, “Blimey, inflation’s a bitch!” Makes me chuckle, tho—imagine Malik bartering in prison. “Ten cigs for a shiv, mate!” So, we settle, and it’s on. Happy as a clam, me, drivin’ off with Candy, feelin’ like a king.

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Cootamundra’s got some real character spots that I cherish: there’s a little coffee joint on Baker Street where the espresso will knock yer socks off, and a hidden sex shop off Victoria Road, if ya catch my drift, that gives me ideas for my career. Listen, I'm a sexologist, I see stuff others don’t, ya know? I catch the subtle glances, the whispered nuances. The town’s energy? It's like every corner holds a secret, a hidden passion, just waitin' to be explored (hey, I ain't no prude!).

Cootamundra residents urged to sign petition against proposed health service cuts