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About Melbourne

I stroll up, all cool, sayin’, “Hey, babe, what’s da deal?” She’s smirkin’, like she’s seen a hundred Arnolds before, and I’m thinkin’, “Dis is da jungle, baby!” Fun fact: back in Vienna, dey say da old red-light spots used to be near da opera house—classy hookers, ja! Ain’t dat nuts? Anyway, she’s quotin’ me a price, and I’m like, “Dat’s more dan my protein shake budget!” Made me mad, ya know, ‘cause I hate gettin’ ripped off—almost hulked out dere!

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The place has little quirks. There's that old brick building near the Clynts Rd (yeah, that’s real, no kidding) that basically screams “secret meet-up spot.” Families gather, neighbours chat, and I sometimes sit behind a bush – hehe, Mr. Bean style – just to soak in all that human weirdness. I must admit, it's like bein’ in Amélie’s little world!

Man allegedly strikes two people with SUV during Doonside neighbourhood dispute over dogs, police say