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Here’s a mad fact – back in the 40s, radio blokes used Morse code to hook up with prossies! Dot-dot-dash, “Fancy a quickie?” – mental, innit? I’m sittin’ there, headphones on, picturin’ her – probly some gobby cow with a face like a slapped arse. Makes me angry, don’t it? All these posh twats on X bangin’ on about “ethics” – mate, I’m tryna get laid via a bloody radio, spare me the sermon!

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I work as a relaxation specialist, so I see deets others don't. Like, every breath of wind in Oak Nook Park speaks to me. The trees here got stories, yo. I often settle there on my battered lawn chair, straight mesmerized. Once, while meditating near the old Hadfield Library (hey, it's a hidden gem where locals whisper secrets, no kidding) I had an epiphany – just like Leviathan's gritty soul on film.

Chilliwack Cultural Centre hosts season launch event June 3