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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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I swear, every nook, every cranny, is magic here. I wandered one night down Lantern Lane – just a few twists; lost, lost in dreams. I heard voices, my precious, like echoes of a forgotten epic, murmuring from the shadows, “We shall find love, yes, we shall!” That was wild, unexpected, and left me shakin’ with admiration and awe.

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